Bright Alley

It is a sad life to live, having your heart not fully committed to something, but knowing that it should be. Feeling a pull, a tug, towards something good, but yet fully ignoring it and walking the other way. Turning away from that which gives life and embracing that which tears down life.

How often do I find myself in this city? Walking the streets, standing at intersections, at forks in the road, with direction to choose. Why do I so often choose the wide darkened street? It is full of life, but it is not alive. What is it in me that chooses to stand beside the less faithful, the lesser love. That which is not love at all. Should it not be the other way around? Quickly running to the light and fleeing from the throes of darkness? Maybe it's because light exposes. Maybe it's because exposure tag teams with vulnerability and leaves me feeling naked. It's like that nightmare that many of us have had in our lives, where we find ourselves walking the halls of high school, only to realize that we forgot to put on pants or some other important piece of clothing. It's that same exposure that Adam and Eve felt as they hid in the garden. So much fear of being seen as I really am. Why am I so afraid? I'm not sure I have the answer.

But all that to say that I feel like I keep finding myself at the ugly end of a bad decision. A wide, dark street. Ignorance leaping to life in my heart. Apathy and laziness dancing to its tune.

I need Grace today. Grace to forgive, instead of harbouring bitterness. Grace to give, rather then covet. Grace to truly love, instead of having my eyes on me. Grace to step off the wide streets and slip into the bright alleys.