How many times do my tears flow, to the sound of something useless? So many. When the tears are spent, and time is taken to ponder why the tears flowed, I sometimes find that they were spent on worthless things. Spent on useless fears that I have allowed to stand in front of my eyes. There are many kinds of tears, of course, to many there is a freedom for, and many that need no apology. But the ones from fear I find flow from a place where I am failing to trust. As if my tears are undermining the faithfulness of the Lord. He is faithful! Why do I fear? I guess part of the journey is learning to trust when I can't see.
I think back on times in my life when I couldn't see, and had fear inside, because my destiny was so unclear. But every time, things always turned out ok, with the exception of the time wasted on fear. Worrying about this and that. It's so useless. Why can't I learn?
For the past week, Billy and I have been in a province of Thailand, spending time with my friend Casey and his family. We have been cruising around in Casey's truck and many times as we were climbing into the back seat where his daughter was located, she would take one look at us and start crying. I just wanted to communicate to her that we weren't there to hurt her but exactly the opposite! We are her friends! But it was impossible to communicate that. No matter how many smiles I threw her way, the tears still flowed. Useless tears.
I wonder if God feels the way I felt. Trying to communicate something, but to no avail. How many times has He tried to communicate to me that there is nothing to fear, but my tears keep flowing. Useless tears for useless fears....
You are an amazing writer! It feels like what is trapped in my heart is expressed in your words/thoughts! I wish I could express myself like this more! .... Maybe I can! This blog actually made me cry because I know just how consuming fear can be if you let it. I want to trust more!!!!!!!!!!!!! God I need to trust more!
ReplyDeletethey say a picture is worth a thousand words.. and your pictures are defiantly worth more than that! And on top of that your words cut deep down to the core. Your honesty is profound and the way it just seems to flow from you blows me away. I cried when i read this.. probably useless tears.. but tears all the same cause so often i get caught up in my fears, i fail and i get swept up in the emotion.. but how great it is to know that God is still there, even though we let ourselves get caught up in our fears He will still release us from the bondage we place on ourselves! Thanks for sharing!
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